Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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