if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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