she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
