is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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