I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
