If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
