I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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