just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
