I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
