I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
