I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fuck appropriateness.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
