My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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