this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize