it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
