My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
