Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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