You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
