remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
