i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
foreskin is a definite game changer
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
