:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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