You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
