I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize