Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
