dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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