he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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