How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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