i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize