I CAN MOONWALK!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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