I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
