no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
