i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
