I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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