Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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