dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
