Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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