my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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