Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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