im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize