It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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