i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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