First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You ate ashes out of my bong
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize