Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
