Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
