I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
