I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
