What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize