Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
