I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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