I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I could fuck to npr.
The Olympian is in my bed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
