there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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