I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
