Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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