Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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