I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
