Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
