My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize