No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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