He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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