Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize