So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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