I got chris browned last night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
