i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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