I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize