I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
