You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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