Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
