All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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