Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
