I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
