i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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