I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
