just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
