I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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