It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
