I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
