I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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