how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
