Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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