Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
