a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
