I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
