You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
