there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
