I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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