I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they need to just BURY HIM!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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