Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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