LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
