Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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