my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
