I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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