Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize