you inspire me to be a worse person
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The Olympian is in my bed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
