my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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