Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
