Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
