I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
