The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
