Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
