I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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