whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
